I hope you will humour me, and read this through completely, it may come as a shock to you as you read it , and if it wasn’t me Dominic it happened to, I might also be sceptical, but I just want to share with you what has happened over the past month

Let me put a little bit of history in place, and say “Don’t follow my example”.

I started work in 1987, and as soon as I had an income coming in, I got a credit card, if you didn’t have one in the late 80’s you weren’t anyone.. and got caught up in the buy now pay later – which I know now was foolish but at the time but I used to flash my card everywhere for everything, and soon the debt mountain snowballed, and as other creditors jumped onto the bandwagon, this became 2 then 3 at one point where I had 5 cards I was juggling cash withdrawals from one card to another just to meet minimum payments, this and other credit at 39% interest meant that by 1991, I owed approx £9,000

I considered bankruptcy back then, but tried to put a brake on my insolvent lifestyle, and hoped to repay it eventually, I have been fighting to repay my debts and keep on top of the issue since then, but despite my best efforts with interest and charges, by May 2006 when I was made redundant I was £30,000/60000 US$ in debt.

Thankfully I did take out the repayment insurance which has helped, after the first 3 months of redundancy, but the stress of finding a job paying all my commitments has actually proved to be a prison cage, as the prospect of having to find the £600/$1200 per month, on top of my living costs to service my debt immediately I found a job meant I had to be selective in what I was looking for.. .. and limited the jobs I could apply for.

Then the redundancy money ran out, and still no jobs, and then the reality began to sink in that in a few months the repayment insurance will stop, and then what... So I sought advice, from various professionals and believers and from non-church friend, most said declare yourself bankrupt.. I wrestled with this verdict for about 3 months, and finally went to the court to file for bankruptcy, at that point my debt was £21,400/42,800 US$ of unsecured personal debt.

Excerpts from my journal:

7 May 2007
Finally finished completing the online application for bankruptcy at 3am, yawn too many questions..

8 May
“I am resigned to Losing everything, though hope I can keep my laptop, at least, as it is my primary communication device.

While waiting for the clerk, I wrote “ I feel ashamed, embarrassed, suicidal and would just like to end it all, I don’t want to be here, but my pride and foolishness have got me here anyway, Lord strengthen me, help me to tell the truth, and not to shirk(deny) my responsibility.

AARGH – need more evidence, got to come back tomorrow, with letter stating I am unemployed from DSS dated within last 4 weeks.., also the online form has so many errors in it that I have had to alter large sections of it by hand – AARGH, so much for online simplification, oh and apparently there’s a backlog of folk to have their petition heard.

So here I am in a state of frustration, I was hoping for a quick turnaround, but have been thwarted again, though if I do lose everything, the Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be His name.

10 May
Oh good the letter has arrived, I can go and submit my forms.

Letter was OK, just loads of amendments to forms, paid the £335/670US$ fee the court needs, it’s crazy you need to pay to declare yourself bankrupt, kind of defeats the point... oh yes and it has to be cash...

My petition has been accepted, sworn into evidence, am waiting for someone to tell me when to come back, Lord let it be soon..

OK D-Day is 5 June 2007 at 10am, oh well must be a lot of folk in front of me.

15 May
Told a couple of close friends that I had filed for bankruptcy, Lord, how and when to I tell Dad?

18 May
Spoke to PH about the process, he has gone through bankruptcy and is now discharged, talking about what to expect was very useful.

19 May
Shared with some folk, at KL party, that things were tough and that I had some important decisions to make about restructuring my finances, though truthfully I have already made the decisions, and as I haven’t told Dad cant tell them I filed...

20 May
Am really not coping well with this looming court appointment it seems overwhelming, am getting attacked in my sleep.

22 May
Jobcentre suggested I see doctor and get “signed off” for a fortnight

E-mailed a friend saying “ Am still hoping for an 11th hour reprieve, but that looks doubtful from where I am sitting, but if the worst happens I am still young enough to make a fresh start”

23 May
Decided to tell Dad who went a funny shade of white, and asked me loads of questions on the process, but agreed it seemed to be the best course of action

24 May
Went to see FE, he is the only one challenging the bankruptcy decision, he says don’t do it, but it’s great to hear a different view,

27 May
Felt God giving me some pictures, during the meeting at MCI. These were:
A waterfall
A bird in the hand (constrained)
A person on the beach with a wave overwhelming them
A Padlock being unlocked
A pile of money (which I take to be the debt mountain) and then was told to write “Paid in full” on it
A bird released from hand
A Tick (Promises are Yes & Amen)
A man in tunnel ate end near exit (step into the light)
Fresh Start/Blank canvas

I am beginning to think bankruptcy might not be Gods destiny for me, but Lord how, I can’t see a way?

28 May
Am getting more convinced that Bankruptcy may be the wrong way, especially with the recent pictures, shared with friend who he said put out a fleece, I told him it is already out.

29 May
Shared with home group the situation and my current confusion of what to do, and that I needed clear direction what to do, Lord I need clarity, I know you will be in whatever decision I make, but Lord I want your way, your plan.

30 May
Received promises from certain parties of funds to clear the debt.

31 May
Got home from visit to Northumbria with Dad, to find that the promises have come to fruition, am in state of “jaw-dropping awe”

God has done the impossible for me.. ..funds released were £22,000/44,000US$ and have paid the creditors in full just as he promised

01 June 2007
Withdrew my petition for bankruptcy.
God has chosen to give me a clean slate, a fresh start